New characters set for grimy, northern soap opera

NEW CHARACTERS SET FOR GRIMY, NORTHERN SOAP OPERA
The long-running soap opera Newcastle United FC may have been ignored once again at the recent British Soap Awards but major storyline twists could see it finally in the shake-up next season.  Gruff northener Big Sam has taken on day-to-day management of the football club while flash American [...]

Tedious long ball manager quits French club

TEDIOUS LONG BALL MANAGER QUITS FRENCH CLUB
As a manager who has won three French titles, three French Super Cups, two English League Cups, the English FA Cup, the Charity Shield, the UEFA Cup, the European Super Cup, the Subbuteo Challenge (Merseyside regional finals) and A Hastily Arranged Five-a-Side In The Local Park Of Which The [...]

Can you eat three? Or was that Shredded Wheat?

CAN YOU EAT THREE?  OR WAS THAT SHREDDED WHEAT?
When Steven Gerrard sits down for breakfast in the Liverpool canteen next season and finds three Weetabix there rather than a pop tart, he can look no further than new owner, Tom Hicks.
Defending the manner in which he funded his purchase of the club by borrowing £178m [...]

Bryan and Brian

BRYAN AND BRIAN
If you thought the 32nd edition of “The Standard Catalog of World Coins” at 2288 pages was a pretty thick book, it’s only because the media haven’t uncovered the huge photographic scrapbook Bryan Robson must own of football chairmen in compromising situations.
Despite relegating Middlesbrough, Bradford and West Brom in his illustrious management career [...]

It’s Owen Hargreaves, not Jimmy Greaves

IT’S OWEN HARGREAVES, NOT JIMMY GREAVES
Manchester United’s highly perceptive fans are renowned the world over for their accurate football analysis.  They have spent much of the last few years rightly denouncing their over-the-hill Premiership-winning manager, writing the club’s eptiaph after the Glazer takeover and correctly predicted that United would win nothing with the likes of [...]

A Lawrie, Lawrie Laughs

LAWRIE, LAWRIE LAUGHS
Hugo must be squirming in his Mexican recliner.  After turning Northern Ireland from the international football equivalent of The Mighty Ducks in to a giant-killing, group-topping, Ian Paisley-taming outfit, Lawrie Sanchez has decided to take the chance to manage in the Premiership with Fulham.  Considering that his four games so far have included [...]